| I am stressed.
Thinking about finals & getting all my projects done & my econ grade & my relationship & my money situation....
It is really, really getting me worried/stressed out/worked up.
Hopefully I will still remember how to chill out............. in 8 days when I head on home!
I cannot wait to be home, I think some QT w/ my boyfriend & friends I rarely get to see, along w/ Chloe Bear & Ally- will do me some good.
Chloe Linnea Kniebes. Most gorgeous baby in the entire world! I fell in love the second she opened her little eyes & looked up at me. I suddenly thought that I had never felt anything like what I felt for her. She's amazing.
I miss Sean a lot. We had some issues, finally worked them out, but it seems like they will never really go away. I am a pretty insecure person, & I get jealous easy, we both do. So, no matter how hard I try, living 2 1/2 hours away is getting me thinking that the world is unfair. I know that some people have it a billion, trillion times worse then me. I should be more thankful for what I do have- and really, I am...I am just letting someone else determine my outlook on life, & as much as I hate it, I don't know how to NOT do that, without becomming a totally different person. I am sure it could be done w/o my heart turning cold.... but I don't know how. I just don't want to be worried & sad all the time that I'm not good enough for anyone in my life, no matter what I'm told, and I don't want to keep feeling like my world is turned upside down if things don't go my way. But I also don't want to turn into the person that has so many walls up, that no one can reach her.
I love Sean a lot, & I miss him like crazy when we're not together, it's not really his fault that I am having issues, I just think that my life would be so much easier if we lived in the same area. Both of our lives.
But the question is then....... would it be easier to give up? Because I don't want to.
Love changes everything, & the second I felt that for Sean, I knew living farther apart would be that much harder, because we're both still so young and have a hell of a lot to learn about life, love, & each other.
I don't want to give that up, I feel so lucky to have found someone that makes my life worth living and made me want to love again. But sometimes, I just want to be happy w/o worrying. And this summer, I did that.. I want it back.
I don't doubt how I feel, I just wish it wasn't so damn hard all the time. |
Sean doesn't know!!
